Tag Archives: groups

June 25, 2010

Common Ground

I have heard it said many times, and quite often I have to admit that for the most part; Veterans feel more comfortable talking about things with other veterans. Mostly it has to do with a common sense of understanding and being able to relate. It is a basic premise for the foundation of the JollyRoger. But, I don’t think that it is always exclusive. For some reason it seems that veterans have always been comfortable speaking to me, even when I was a young kid.

Living in “retirement community” as I grew up in Florida, I found myself literally surrounded by many WWII veterans. Quite often we would talk about their time in the military and time at war. As I remember, one man had been a member of a bomber crew shot down behind occupied France. He was able to elude the Germans and participate with the French resistance. Mostly causing minor harassment to the Germans, until he was finally able to re-enter friendly lines.

Another WWII veterans had told me that he served as member of a bomber crew in the Pacific, and that he was one of the sister planes to Bockscar when it dropped the 2nd Atomic bomb on Japan.

Was it different for WWII veterans? Normandy, Pearl Harbor, Guadal Canal, etc….They must have suffered their share of PTSD. Did it make a difference how they were treated when they returned? I wasn’t there at the time, but it seems like the public treated WWII veterans with more respect and appreciation. How they saved the world, and made a mark on history. It seems like this may be one things that is different between them and veterans of other wars. I mean people have already forgotten about Iraq, before the war is even over.

As I got older I met other veterans. One friends father was a Vietnam veteran who spoke about his nightmares when he returned and how he still checks his boots for snakes and things to this day.

Another Father and Vietnam veteran I met somehow opened up to me, and as I later found out had NEVER spoken to his wife or children. For almost 30 years, they still never knew what he had been through. They spoke of his anger and how he was just an asshole. His daughter told me that his burn marks and scars were from drunk games that her father would play with his friends. They were actually from when the bulldozer that he was operating ran over an anti-tank mine. The first time that I met him, he was opening up to me. He had been part of an experimental engineer unit, who would bulldoze swaths of jungle looking for enemy base camps. When they would find one, the bulldozers would lead the attack. They would plow through fighting positions and bury the enemy, while APCs and infantry followed behind. He later was connected to a reunion for his unit, and found out that every single member was diagnosed with 100% disability for PTSD by the VA.

My uncle was a Marine truck driver in Desert Storm. He went through numerous Scud attacks. I remember seeing him hit the dirt when someone lit some firecrackers at a bonfire party after he returned.

So where do we go to speak to each other? Online? A Veterans Organizations?

Have anyone joined a veteran’s organization? VFW? Amvets? American legion? A student’s veterans organization?

It seemed to me that some of these organizations could already be doing what we are trying to in this group, or that they might have a lot to offer a group like this.

If you have joined one: Do you find it helpful? Do you feel better about being part of the group?

I have heard people give a stereotype or submit the perception of just a bunch of old guys sitting around drinking beer and telling war stories, but what are they really about? How do we get more people interested and involved?

VFW? There is even one over here in Korea. It is just down the street from my apartment.
Vet centers? I just checked and there is one within 2 miles of my house back home.

I was thinking about it sorta like a support group. Places to meet, that are full of other guys have been through it too. People who won’t judge us. People who we feel have a common understanding of our experiences. Especially the Vietnam Vets, they have been doing it much longer than us. They must have found methods to adjusting and for some reason I always imagine it sucking for them so much more…..(I know you can’t compare wars, but I have to admit I really wouldn’t look forward to a walk through the jungle.)

I’m actually very curious to see how many of our generation are getting into organizations like these, and what their experiences are.

VFW Post 10033, you may be seeing me soon.

3 comments | tags: groups, Veterans, veterans organizations | posted in Life After Combat, Resources, Tips and tricks, Veterans

June 18, 2010

Not Alone; The Journey Starts with a Step…

By breed3231

Many of my posts are a result of a thought that I had while working on an earlier post. When I started the apologies post, I started thinking some more. I remember family members who were in AA when I was growing up. I remember them talking about making amends as part of the 12 steps, so I looked it up real quick and I wondered if those AA guys were onto something. I don’t want to clutter up this whole post with the 12 steps, but you can check it out here if you are interested. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve-step_program

One of the early problems that Dan and I identified was that the 12 step programs are very religious. This may be fine for some, but if we were going to capture something relevant to all veteran’s; then we would need something more universal. It has been said that there are no atheist in a foxhole, but how many times has someone come to terms with God allowing a buddy to die in front of them? Some veteran’s may have found religion, but some veteran’s just no longer believe.

Next, I wondered can you relate those 12 step programs toward everything or just to addictions? Addiction? What could I have been addicted to? I could say that I became addicted to staying alive, but that wouldn’t be true either. Sometimes you just give up that hope of making it home, but keeping your buddies alive that is something that you never give up on. In that regard I could say that I became addicted to doing my job and keeping my Soldiers alive.

Then I realized that I also had to be aware of the stigma that may be associated with the word addiction. PTSD already has enough labels and stigmas, I would have to find a way to accomplish this idea without adding another one.

A few days later I was surfing from one website to another, through the associated links and I found www.NotAlone.com. It gave me a pretty good first impression. They seemed to be attempting to do the same thing that the JollyRoger was established for: Veterans helping Veterans, a place for veteran’s and their families to feel comfortable talking about issues, and not standing idly by waiting for someone else to fix our problems. I searched through some of Not Alone’s archives, and there I saw it…..The Steps…..Someone had the same thoughts as me…..Not only that but it looked like they nailed a 3 point ringer.

The Not Alone Steps:

By working the ten steps, we can move from being alone to finding a new normal after combat trauma. The new normal can bring richness to life beyond our experience before war, but it takes real commitment to get there.

We resolve to do whatever it takes to improve our lives. We fix it. We are relentless. We never quit. We expect to win.
After war, we continue to help each other overcome obstacles and achieve goals.
We make our reactions appropriate to the situation at home, not the battlefield.
We identify and break through negative ruts.
We take a little ground every day, working a plan appropriate for us.
We honor the past, but live for the future.
We process stress in a healthy way.
We identify our strengths, and we build on them.
We achieve victory by partnering with a power greater than ourselves. Victory is feeling peace.
We reach out to understand and become a source of strength for others because, together, we are not alone.

You ever read an article and felt that they were talking directly to you, or reading your mind? They captured many of the things that I have been talking to either Dan or Mike about.

Step 1, Whatever it takes and letting go of control. “The strange truth about recovering from combat stress is that the real challenge is letting go, not pushing harder.”

Step 4, Negative Ruts and our inner enemy’s tactics: “If I just go to work everyday and work my ass off, I can escape and avoid the enemy.” Listening to Mike’s show was the first time that I had considered being a workaholic as a result of returning from war.

Step 10, “WE REACH OUT TO UNDERSTAND AND BECOME A SOURCE OF STRENGTH FOR OTHERS BECAUSE, TOGETHER, WE ARE NOT ALONE.” This is inline with the JollyRoger’s purpose since its inception.

I contacted the editor of NotAlone about the steps, and they asked for my feedback. First, I think I would recommend adding “Making a decision” as the beginning of step one. The first step should always be to choose. Noone can make this decision for us. Our families can only stand by our side being tolerant and supportive for so long, until we are willing to help ourselves. If forced to get help by someone else we will only resent them for judging us, and not be committed to the process. This realization, choice, and decision MUST be our own. Then we can move into never accepting defeat as listed in Not Alone Step 1.

I would also add a “making amends” step . This self reflection will help us to access our current state and how we got here. We will appreciate those who have stood by us and recognize those we have hurt. The attempt at making amends could begin healing broken relationships, in turn adding more support to us. We would also be forced to consciously monitor ourselves for actions that may wrong others, allowing us to attempt to change our action/reactions.

Step 9, “WE ACHIEVE VICTORY BY PARTNERING WITH A POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES. VICTORY IS FEELING PEACE.” It begins well. The first things I think of are the mission and my men. Those will always be something greater than me. When a friend is lost, I do not give up and quit. My conviction becomes stronger. He did not die for nothing, we must see this through. Step 9 moves on to state; “Believing in God was incompatible with living the horrors of war. And so we stopped believing.” As I already stated though, some never believed to begin with. Religion will always be a beacon of hope and give strength to those who believe, but others never have and never will. Some may eventually return to the flock, and others may find religion. But when we start preaching many who never or no longer believe will tune us out as irrelevant. They are not listening. This needs to be universal. What happened-happened. There is nothing we can do about it now. It was not God’s fault. Blame it on fate or luck or inches and seconds. It just happens. We must accept it and move on. We should realize that we are not insignificant, but there are things that are bigger than us….but importantly we are a part of them. We may be a part of God, and his plan. Or we may be a part of something else. How about our community? Lets give something back and heal through service. Through church, working with children, working with other veterans, volunteering, a neighborhood watch, community service, or through a forum or blog.

Also, the steps may appear to some as a rigid and inflexible process. We should recognize that this is a war and not a battle. Sometimes the enemy may win a battle and we will have to give up some ground. This is our time to reconsolidate and reorganize. The enemy showed us his new tactic, and now we develop our TTPs to counter theirs. We get up, dust ourselves off, and charlie mike.

Next we need to get this integrated into a group setting. Places in cities, like the VA Vet Centers and other veteran’s organizations. Places online, like NotAlone, the JollyRoger, and other blogs and forums. We must come together to support each other, and in places where we feel comfortable due to our shared experiences.

Another critical piece that I think we all need is Sponsorship. A sponsor/sponsee relationship would be a “one on one” personal relationship of shared experiences focused on working on the journey. A battle buddy, a fire team. The sponsor would be a more experienced person who guides the less-experienced person through the journey. Sponsors would share their experience, strength, and hope with their sponsees… A sponsor’s role would not be that of a therapist offering some sort of professional advice. A sponsor would simply be another person in the group who is willing to share his or her journey. When battling depression the sponsee would know that someone is there to help, someone who cares, someone who understands. There is someone to discuss a nightmare, flashback, trigger, or relationship issue with. Someone to cross talk ideas and compare notes.

Once we put this all together, we may have the place and resource to help ourselves without waiting for so called doctors and the government to figure it out for us.

You can read more about each of the steps in the Not Alone library.
Introduction:

By Bryan H. Reed, Army Veteran OIF 07-09